Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) says that:
“When Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ came home He ﷺhad a smile on His ﷺlips. The point to ponder is that He ﷺfelt a lot for Ummah and had an abundance of tasks like to greet the delegations, send them invites to embrace Islam, resolve matters among the Muslims; When one Jihad was over, He ﷺdidn’t have the time to put down His ﷺ sword when the next one was called upon. But despite of that when He ﷺ came home, He ﷺ came with a smiling face.” (Sermon regarding the rights of women; page # 36)
Our Present Practice At Home:
Mr. Maulana Hakeem Akhtar says that nowadays approaching the wife with a smile is a forgotten Sunnah. Those who do not practice religion come to their wives like Pharaoh, erecting their large mustaches, and with red eyes to show an oppressing attitude, so that she might not say anything to him; that is why to oppress they come like Pharaoh and Nimrod.
And those who are religious, they come like Bayazid Bastami and Khuwaja Moin-ud-Din Chishti and Baba Fareed-ud-Din Attar, with their eyes closed in meditation, as if they are in a different dominion, not even knowing this world. They don’t even look at their wives with love at all, snub the wife on little things; she wants to talk and they are there with rosary in their hands.
All day long she kept waiting for you and when you came home you took your rosary in your hands or got busy in talking, or started worrying about business or started showering her with questions that did you do that? I asked about doing it, is it done? What happened to this task? Why is it not completed? What had you been doing for so long? etc etc.
Contrast In Our Lives And Sunnah:
Both of these attitudes are against Sunnah. Approach your wife at home with a smile, talk to her, ask about her well being, and revive the Sunnah by helping her with her tasks and make Allah happy. More than the Ibadah and Nawafil the reward lies in giving her the rights she has.
Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ says that:
“The most mannered is the one who treats his wife well.”
(Kanz-ul-Amaal, Volume: 16, Page: 155)
At another instance it’s mentioned:
“The most comprehensive belief among the believers has the one who has the best attitude and is the most gentle towards his family” (Mishkat, Volume:2, Page:282)
We laugh hard with friends, crack jokes but when we go to our wives we behave like a silent old man who doesn’t know how to laugh. Wretched, she is astonished that Oh Allah! I have been waiting all day so that when he comes at night I might get a chance to laugh and look at this gentleman he is behaving like a statue.
Criteria For Piousness:
You have witnessed the criteria for piousness and seniority in the light of saying of Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ . It’s not about how somebody tends to act at the office and market, in his friend circle and national gatherings; but it is about who treats his wife gently? Who shows tolerance and patience in the house? How is somebody in privacy but not in public; where no one sees except the family members? That is why the standard of piousness is defined as who grants his wife her rights in privacy? How one behaves with his wife? And the truth is, there can be no scale other than this which can judge the true character, the inner self and the depths of Nafs, any better.
Practices That Earn Allah’s Reward:
Smiling, laughing and talking, tolerating the mistakes, forgiving the mistakes, tolerating the anger, listening to her pains and reliefs, making her happy by supporting her, taking her out for recreation in a properly covered Sharai manner, giving her expense according to one’s budget and not asking about it, giving her complete right over that amount, all this is Ibadah.
Offering nawafil the entire night and not talking to your wife, separating your bed from her is against the ways of Sahaba (R.A). Feeding your wife with your own hands and buying something for the sake of her happiness, all this is also rewarded. That is why to revive these ways.