Never Bring Up The Mistakes Of The Past

 

Never bring up the mistakes of the past. Man is ‘ASHRAF UL MAKHLOQAT’ means ‘the most eminent of created beings’. The Uniqueness of man consists in his possession of a soul. Allah wants our soul serene and pure and as a blessing, He made conscience in a man.

When we made a mistake our conscience always make us realize that something has gone wrong. Usually, people want to share it with the person who is the closest to him. If its a spouse who is considering it a secret which brings a responsibility to give a correct guidance and most important of all, forget the mistake as it never took place and never bring up the mistakes of the past.

 

1 MISTAKES DO HAPPEN:

 

It is a famous saying :

           

                  “TO ERR IS HUMAN”

 

When a husband or wife mistakes, they are supposed to get cooperation from their soulmates. Being a spouse can be tricky sometimes. One needs to be calm and not too reactive. Dealing with the matter nicely can cause a beneficial effect on the relation.

Here, for instance, a wife has burnt the meal and now husband is home from his job if a wife tells that by mistake the food is burnt. It takes all his might to remain to relax and if he thought that he did something awful another day, he would say with the smile that we can have something alternate. Albert Einstein said:

       “Anyone who never made a

          the mistake has never tried

           anything new.”

Or we can say for example that a husband forgets about her doctor’s appointment and come home late. If the wife starts yelling at once he enters the house what will be the situation like? Without asking for the delay, without giving him a chance to explain it will end up in sleeping without an unsettled quarrel, which is even more troublesome for the day ahead.

Here mistakes that are only bothering a person can easily be corrected or if it’s only a matter of individual attention then it’s easy to cope up with.

 

2 LIGHTEN UP YOUR HEART:

 

Being late, inappropriate budgeting, not attending the guests, unhealthy meals, no plan for the vacation, making closets unorganized when your spouse wants it the other way round and so much more, they all are the harmless mistakes. It can be a matter of debate or argument but they all have some solutions. If we want some positive change in the climate of the house, one must not indulge in the ‘blame game’. Never jump to the conclusion that “it’s only you who do so”. It can make your partner may be more stubborn. The best solution is to make your spouse realize that the error he or she made was just the matter of being careless. Now, you hope to get the best out of him or her. This is only possible when you actually forget the mistake and Never bring up the mistakes of the past, or else:

 

“Action speaks louder than words.”

 

Eyes are the reflectors of what you hold in your soul and what is hidden within your heart.

Being forgetful is not advisable but forgetting the mistakes of your spouse holds the glory of the relation which eventually lighten up your heart. This is the key to be a better spouse because when you are stuck with the past you will feel your heart surrounded by countless doubts. Your soul will not be satisfied in such relation which will disturb the conscience.

3 FORGIVE AND FORGET:

 

The noble Quran is full of profound lessons. One dua of Hazrat Adam (RA) plays an important role in the understanding of forgetting about the mistakes of your spouse. It throws light again on the fact that human nature is molded in a way that occurrence of mistakes can be often. The dua says :

 

          “O my Allah! We have wronged

          ourselves, and if you don’t

          forgive us and have mercy on

          us then we will be among losers.”

 

This incident of Hazrat Adam and his mate Eve is the first ever mistake that had done by eating from the forbidden tree. As a result, Allah teaches us with this beautiful dua which shows making mistakes and forgiveness will keep the nature in balance.

 

When we put this equation on the unit of society that is on husband and wife, again we come across the fact one must forgive the mistakes of the spouse. Forgive, forget and Never bring up the mistakes of the past, what has to be done is done now suppression on your spouse by bringing the past mistakes will not make a difference. Inclination towards the constructive criticism will nurture the relationship.

4 HELP TO BE A BETTER ONE:

Most of us have routinely observed the comment section or giving a feedback to improve the quality of the brand. Public reviews help the company to be better and more useful.

If a spouse kindly reflects on the mistakes and gives meaningful suggestions with the patience that I can help him or her to be better Muslim, this practice can be a gamechanger. Mistakes that could tear your relationship apart and rip the confidence of your spouse Allah guide you to deal with it so gracefully that you get something more fruitful and more elaborate because mistakes bring a lot of experience.

Quran is the guidance, Messenger was a guide. Allah arranges all of this just to bring the best out of mankind.  This is the routine that Allah wants human to follow whether its a relation of friend or spouses. Guidance is the scaffold that ascends the mutual understanding of a married couple. It is only possible when a spouse sees the mistake and guides in the light of Quran and Sunnah.

 

5 BIG MISTAKES BIG RESPONSIBILITY

Small mistakes or blunders can happen, there is always a chance for a blunder. But if we talk about such mistakes which can entirely change the prospect about your spouse like an illegitimate relationship or disrespect your dear ones(Allah forbids). It is necessary to talk about this or else we will not do justice to the idea of forgiving and forgetting.  What should be the steps a spouse must take? Again as a Muslim, we should refer to the teachings of the Noble Quran and Sunnah.

In this regard, Messenger said once:

“Allah does not pay mercy on

someone who does not show

it to the others.”

 

If a couple wants to make the marriage holdfast they must be merciful towards each other, not because of any compulsion but due to the fear of Allah. Ask yourself were you not there as the best guide when such big mistake happens now what is your responsibility as the best support? what should be your part? Leaving someone is the easiest but not the best solution.

Don’t fall into the trap of Satan, help your partner to prove your love. Console him or her and ask to repent because Allah’s mercy can heal any malignancy.

A person is willing to keep his family at peace and doing what he is supposed to do. When Allah wants to take your test He does something ‘out of the box’. It is a comment made by someone who has more to offer. He says:

 

“Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”.

 

It happens that a spouse gets in the stuff that nobody has ever thought of. It could be a big mistake or an incident that should never have happened in the first place.

Confronting a problem with the best solution must be the way of a Muslim rather than keep complaining and doing nothing. Allah will help and He says:

 

“I listen to your prayers, keep

praying”.

 

Big mistake brings a test of your confidence in the relation. ‘A stitch in time’ can be miraculous to your partner. Pay attention now solve the problem with grace for the sake of your marriage. It is the weakest bond with lots of strength woven into it.  It is always easy to dust off hands from the unexpected behavior and move on with the other changes, what if u will face the same scenario somewhere else.

Keep believing yourself,  mend the loose ends and smile for the bright future ahead.

 

6 Kids demonstrate Hikmah:

When we say Never bring up the mistakes of the past of your spouse it seems one-directional, in the favor of the other person. However, forgiveness is the idea given by Allah who is the kind and the most merciful. Will he implement something on us which is disturbing for ourselves or for the society altogether. Forgiveness is the art which upbrings hikmah, it molds us from inside, it teaches us the lesson of divinity, it reminds us of the nature of humanity and it flourishes the humbleness.

Once Messenger pointed out towards children who were playing nearby.

 

“ Have you looked at the children, they play together, they fight together and right after their fight they forget the conflict and start to play along as if nothing had happened. This should be the style of a mo’min.”

 

This quote clearly highlights the practice of a Muslim that is forgiveness. In a  married life, bringing up the past mistakes of a spouse is like enriching the ‘ego’ with pride, taking an advantage of one’s helplessness, shaking the pillar of a married relation, outcasting the spells of doubts on the whole platform where the marriage is established. It is strongly recommended to forgive the mistakes in the light of the above hadith. Forgiveness has to do something with the hikmah,  it raises the bar of emaan maybe it enables to declutter our thoughts and see the difference or it helps us in learning things in a new dimension.

7 Forgiveness brings hope:

 

The world depends on the hope. If there is no forgiveness there can be no hope for the better tomorrow.  Mistakes of the past if lingers in the present it victimizes the person. It is not the ideal condition it hovers on your mind it keeps u obsessed with something that has already been gone and will never come back yet it can make ur present miserable and doubtful because you can’t take good decisions which are gonna affect the future Never bring up the mistakes of the past. If one keeps digging the past skeletons when will he or she will make a new connection?

 

“The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.”

                                                                               -Jackson Brown Jr.

 

When we forgive our spouse or do not bring up the mistakes of the past, we encourage him or her to make a new beginning and we hope for the best once again. It is a nice feeling to have a companion who shared his or her thoughts or opinions or dreams or even mistakes. You know him or her wholly and capable of dealing with your spouse whether in good or in bad.  Hope strengthen our relation and forgiveness makes our emaan mighty.

 

8 Smile for the sunshine:

 

In the course of learning about the recipe of a happy marriage “Never bring up the mistakes of the past” is the very important and potent ingredient. It makes or breaks the current progress of the couple. On the other hand, it glorifies the bond and makes tremendous space in the heart for the spouse that is showing the mercy and letting go of the mistakes. It gives the clue of one’s nature that he or she has a clean heart and does not keep any grudges for a spouse. It makes your relation genuine and fulfills it with lots of barakah. It is not only making someone able to act according to sunnah but it also enables well-deserving to  Jannah. 

Our beloved messenger said:

 

“He is the Muslim whose tongue and hand is prevented to harm other Muslims.”

 

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