The Key to Maintain Peace in House when One Spouse is Angry
“If the husband verbally abuses or insults you during anger, you should not reply back and should maintain silence, regardless of whatever the husband is saying. He himself will be ashamed once the anger cools down and in’shaa Allah, he will not be angry upon you in future. However, if you start replying back, the anger will only increase aggravating the situation to an unimaginable scenario.”
This is the advice of Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi (R.A), an Islamic scholar from subcontinent, the author of a number of books on social and domestic issues. This advice applies equally on men as well.
Being harsh tongued and replying back excessively is an illness that can destroy your peace of home and damage your mutual relationship as well. If one spouse is in anger at one time, the other should try to remain calm and avoid aggressive replying. This suggestion to maintain tranquility at home is for both man and woman.
Reasons behind Husband’s Anger:
There can me many reasons for the husband to talk to you in anger. He might have a bad day at work, have some work load, facing some financial issue, or something going bad with his health. He might be upset because of some issue with his parents or siblings etc. Females must remember that men usually do not share their stress easily, as they do not want to burden their partners.
Being a good and compensating wife it is your utmost responsibility to understand your husband’s moods. Some men even lost their temper when hungry! So you should try to figure out what is that, which is bugging your husband.
Reasons behind Wife’s loss of Temper:
Some of the above reasoning, if not all, is valid for wife’s loss of temperament as well. She is taking care of kids, which is a full-time job itself. Even if husband participates, still, it is majorly considered to be her responsibility to look after house hold; washing, cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery, managing maids and many others. So while doing so many tasks of diverse nature, she may get exhausted.
In the early stage of marriage, her energies are high as she is young, so she may manage it all well and abide everything with patience. As the age increases, it is quite natural that one loses it’s capability of tolerating unpleasant things or something that goes against his/her wish.
Try to Remain Quite while One Person is in Anger
At times, it is really difficult to calm down your spouse, or sometimes it is really your mistake. If the mistake is yours, then admit it humbly, apologize deeply, and try to avoid it in future. If it is not your mistake, then best option is to remain silent or if required, defend yourself in a polite way. Do not become harsh. It is really difficult to remain silent while the other person is shouting unjust and pointlessly.
It is not always necessary to answer every objection raised towards you from your spouse. You can prove it false afterword. While in anger, a person loses his/her ability of judgment, logical analysis and analytical reasoning. He/She is speaking whatever comes to his/her mind, without proper justification. It is often said that we may lose the argument and save the relation, by observing patience and controlling our words. This will strengthen your relationship and save the situation from becoming worse.
In case of woman, Allah Subhanu-wa-Ta’ala has designed her facial expressions as well as her nature in such a manner that regardless of how major a mistake she commits, if she sincerely asks for forgiveness, man is obliged to forgive her.
Benefits of Enduring Unjust Anger
Often, it happens that when we have thrown our frustration and anger on the other person and he/she has endured it with patience, we regret later on. Anger has to be vanished soon, but the person who bear your unfair behavior, loves you much. That is why he/she remains quite. As soon as this realization make it’s way to your heart, you not only beg pardon from your spouse but his/her tolerance and persistence increases your love and respect for him/her.
Another important aspect of not responding sharply is that your children will learn how to hold on nerves, forbear distressing words, control temper and act wisely. This will teach them, that, in life, we came across situations when the opponent is a loved one, and we must take care of our words and actions to avoid any future regrets.
Biggest Attribute of a God-Fearing Person
One of the biggest attributes of a humble and God-fearing person is soft spoken tongue and sweet tone. The gentleness of the tongue is such a remarkable quality that it has the power to impress and move people of age, or of substantial status and stature. Sweetness of the tongue gives power to accomplish anything, you want to do. It has the potential to influence even the opponents.
May the couples act upon this piece of advice and make their homes a representation of the Paradise. (Ameen)
DISCLAIMER: The articles and views posted on this blog are the opinions of individual authors only and as such may not reflect the opinions of Pious Couple staff, editors and readers. They are solely meant for educational purposes and not any illegal purpose. The authors/shuyookh are not responsible or liable for the intentional, reckless, or negligent actions of any individual. Any person who posts, quotes, cites, copies or otherwise relies on any article or comment associated in any way with Pious Couple blog bears sole responsibility for his or her actions, choices and words. While constructive criticism and meaningful discussions are welcome; abusive comments, name calling or intolerance towards other religions, race, sex, countries, etc., will not be entertained. Pious Couple reserves all rights to delete/edit any type of comment or discussion that is inappropriate Islamically, morally or otherwise.