5 reasons to keep your mouth shut during marital arguments
Personal notes to all beautiful wives
If I may be so bold, I would say that a husband and a wife living together under the same roof is like a cat and a dog (just for example) surviving together in the same house. As for the latter, it is a proven fact that under no circumstances, can these two different breeds be near to each other without biting and the scratching. This, I am sure, applies to human race as well. Men and women are so different in terms of everything under the sun that sometimes it is a wonder whether opposite attraction exist.
Many books had been written to address the issues on the difference between man and women. . The famous two would be,
“Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”
authored by John Gray, and
“Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Map”,
by Allan and Barbara Pease. The titles on the covers had already given you a glimpse on what to expect upon reading the books. Nevertheless, many of the books written did not even draw any conclusion on the subject matter. They leave it to the readers themselves to continue the debate if they are still interested in doing so after they had finished their reading.
Interestingly, with all the differences and dissimilarities, men and women will always find each other to get married. They are happy to be tied down in a union that is built based on trust and sacred love. Once they are pronounced as husband and wife, there are hundreds of well wishes and warm regards received from families and friends that pray for the marriage to last till eternity. As for the married couple, they certainly hope for a blissful life with lots of love. However, blissful is just a word in the dictionary and it can easily be erased if both of them are not careful.
If there is a married couple in the world that can vouch they had never encountered any marital argument during their marriage, I am confident that they can turn into billionaires. I will advise them to start conducting seminars to other married couples and charge all the participants by the hour. You will be surprised at the number of turn ups. Your surprise then will turn into amusement seeing that the couples attending the seminars might already be married for more than ten years.
Marital arguments are bound to happen in marital relationship. From the most trivial issues that trigger the fight to the more serious ones that added the fire, the arguments sometimes would last for days if none of them offer to retreat. Being a wife myself, it is a real struggle at first to close my lips and restrain myself from replying. Especially in arguments that I know I can win. However, after a few years along the road, I find that shutting myself from the arguments is a better option and also would save time and energy.
There are actually many reasons to do as such but I will only list down the 5 most important points.
After 5 minutes, none of the arguments even matter.
Several of our arguments were recorded in my journal. I wrote them, word by word, as a way to express myself. Of course, the writings were done during times where I myself would have question my own state of mind. There were lots of frustrations, anger and rage, all written from my point of view. They said a woman never forgets, so I made it a point that I would not.
Yet, whenever I tried reading them again I would burst into laughter, and sometimes hysterically. All the reasons I had stated seems so illogical and there were some arguments that I could not remember at all. It really made me wonder how incidents that had nearly tore off the apartment that we are living in could turn into hilarious jokes.
You will have better health.
Conflicts would only affect your overall well-being especially if you do not know how to manage them. This can be very detrimental to your health. Since you are going to use your body for a long time, why don’t you let the arguments pass? Make a smart choice by not engaging in them. It is just not worth the stress. Unnecessary stress can lead to depression and God forbidden, other mental illness too. It would certainly help, if you turn deaf ears during the arguments.
If you are still angry, then it is wise for you to find ways to channel your anger. One approach is to start folding the laundry. You will notice that because of the extra energy you have, all of the household chores can be settled in shorter period. A point worth remembering, always turn the negative into the positive.
The rule does not say the winner gets an award. So why bother?
I ponder on this issue for quite some time. If I win the argument, will I be rewarded? Do I get a medal or a trophy with my name engraved on it? Or at least, a brand new handbag with matching shoes? The truth is, nothing good comes out of an argument. In fact, we could also hurt each other in the process.
Energy is wasted for something that is not important and there is nothing positive about it. If the husband wants to win, let him be. Remain a good wife and hope that after a while, he would realize that winning an argument does not give him anything except heartache.
After all the shouting and sometimes cursing, he is still your roommate, for life.
Sadly, this is a fact that you cannot deny. No matter how angry you are at your husband, that man is still your roommate and your partner. He plays an important part in your life. Although may not be the Romeo, you had always dreamed of, but as someone close to you, he shares everything with you. This includes secrets you do not even want your best friend to know about.
A woman spent at the most, 30 years living under her father’s wings and after that, she has to stand besides her husband. If you have the chance of living a long life, you actually will spend more years with your husband than with your father. So, take a deep breath and assure yourself, everything will be fine..
Men are just…. ego. God created them that way.
After all the points that had been listed to you, this is the main reason to keep calm during marital arguments. As pointed out earlier, silence is not a sign of weakness. It just means that you are not interested in wasting your energies and have better things to do. Women just do not waste time over trivial matters.
It is men’s nature to behave in such a way. They have a hard time accepting defeat, especially from women. To them, women are fragile creatures and need to be defended by the men. Thus, it would be an embarrassment to take orders from someone that you are protecting. A man needs to be a man. Strong and tough. Not to mention, annoying to the wives! 😉
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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!
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Jazakumullahu bi khair. They truly are facts but sometimes we only realize when shown. In shaa Allah We’ll try mastering it. Barakhallahu fiina wa fiikum