WHICH QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR WHILE CHOOSING A GIRL AS YOUR LIFE PARTNER:
While marrying any woman this should specifically be kept in mind that she practices Islam. She offers her prayers, fasts in the Holy month of Ramadan, recites Holy Quran regularly, in short, lives her life according to the principles and limits defined by the Holy Quran and Sunnah. A woman of such character and qualities will surely bring happiness to your married life, making your home a piece of heaven. While selecting his spouse every Muslim man should consider these aspects. Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ said that:
‘Any woman can be married because of four reasons; because of her wealth, because of her family background, Because of her beauty, and because of her religion.’
So, every Muslim should act upon the advice of the Holy Prophet ﷺ and opt for a woman with such quality. You should tell your family the kind of qualities and character you expect from your future wife. A woman who follows religion knows the worth of respect and kindness in all her relations and Islam teaches it all, a woman would be far away from evils like lies, backbiting, jealousy, deception if she follows the right path. Only then will she be able to give you children that are the true depiction of Quran and Sunnah.
The purpose of Nikah is mutual understanding, friendship, love, and relaxation. This is certain that every relation, friendship has a strong dependence on religion because in the end the only thing that matters is religion all relationships are nothing without it. Hazrat Ayesha quotes, Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ:
‘Choose a good woman for your children and marry them among your equals.’
( Sunan ibn Majah, Book of Nikah , page #142)
At another instance it is said that:
‘Choose a woman of a good family for your children because the effect of family penetrates.’
(Al Mughni un Haml Al Asfar al-Iraqi, Volume 2, Page #4
Therefore, those who are willing to marry must choose women who are brought up in a pious and righteous environment, in a modest family who practices Islam, have a family background that is strong and full of practicing Muslims.
The secret in it is that when a person marries such a woman his children will automatically be trained to follow the right path. The qualities like piousness, religiousness, righteousness, truthfulness and kindness will all be there to them by birth. They will be a priceless addition to the Muslim Ummah.
Keeping this rule in mind Hazrat Usman Bin Abi Al Aas left a will for his sons to marry women with strength of character and pious background so, that women belonging to cheap backgrounds will not spoil the Muslim Ummah.
So the focus while marrying a lady should not be on material things for example, how rich is her family? What can they give their daughter when she gets married? How big is her house? Do not marry a woman for the love of dowry that she might bring, do not trade her for cars, gadgets and piece of land.
Do Not Consider Your Wife Your Student
The best way to make a choice is to gather information about your selection from her relatives, friends if approachable, neighbors and all this can be done via girl of your family. This will help you better assess her character on the basis of her qualities described by others, her behavior, interaction and communication with others. This is very important while making the final decision because in the long term her parents will be your child’s grandparents, her brothers your child’s uncles, her sisters your child’s aunts. Marriage is not only a relation between two persons it is a connection between two families.
After religiousness and family background comes the turn of beauty, which is equally important. The decision of choosing a life partner should not be taken in haste. Most of the time it happens that guys or their family members choose a woman when they see her all well dressed in a party. To have a correct idea about her appearance it’s best that instead of seeing her at the gathering you meet her when she is not wearing makeup. Islam also gives you the right to look at the woman before giving a final decision in her favour. It is mentioned in a Hadith that:
‘Look at that woman. This is better for the maintenance of love among both of you.’
10 Pearls from a Mother to her Newly Wed Daughter
This means that to sustain the bond of friendship, love and trust it is important that the girl and the guy meet each other. If one has made up his mind for engagement or marriage, his family is satisfied with the girl’s character and habits, every possible effort has been made in order to properly scrutinize the selection, now the only thing you want is to meet her for once just to make sure, then you can utilize the right given to you by Allah and the Prophet ﷺ. There are many hidden benefits in it.
An important thing is care should be taken that proper means are employed to meet the women. If her parents give you the permission then in a proper manner come and meet her. Moreover, keep it in mind not to reject her after you get to see her because that stage of rejection is long gone. If you reject her now it will be humiliating for her and her family.
It is a common attitude in our society that men completely rely on their family’s opinion regarding the woman they have chosen for them. But an important point here is that you are the one going to spend your life with her nor your mother neither your sisters so, it’s best that after making up your mind do meet her and get satisfied with your decision.
It’s important to mention here that, in the above paragraphs you are encouraged to meet the woman not through improper means and only and only on one condition that you are just exercising the right you have been given in Islam. This does not in any way give you the right to reject her at the last moment. Her father trusted you, thought of you as the competent one that he gave you the permission to meet her daughter, don’t spoil that image and don’t break that trust.
It is hoped that you well understood the purpose of this discussion. May Allah bless you with success (Ameen)
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