From a young age, as children we are taught the importance of learning the Seerah and knowing about the Prophet’s (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam – ﷺ) life in detail. However, we should not forget about our mothers, the honourable wives of the Prophet (ﷺ), Khadijah (Radi Allahu ‘anha – r.a.) is the perfect example of a wife and one we should learn from. She has so many strong qualities which we can all benefit from.
She came from a prestigious family but that did not make her arrogant, she was humble with her status and being a wealthy businesswoman did not make her greedy. She in fact, used a lot of her wealth to buy foods and distribute to the people, especially, during the boycott from the clans of Quraysh. Now in this day and age, when we get a little bit of success in the form of education or materialistic items like phones or cars, we find it so easy to boast about our achievements and we don’t stop until the world has heard about it. We must learn to be humble like Khadijah (r.a.) because we must remember that everything is from Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala – s.w.t.)
We all know that the husband is the provider and breadwinner of the household but can we not contribute if we are able to? Khadijah (r.a.) used to spend on the Prophet (ﷺ) and she used to provide for him. Nowadays, I know men are stronger earners than women but that doesn’t mean that we as wives cannot cut them some slack and pay for some things ourselves (if we are able to) or even choose to treat our husband to a dinner outside and so on. We should show our appreciation and thank our husband more, a lot more, for everything that he is providing for us. Don’t see it as ‘his role’ because this may lead you to be ungrateful and greedy.
Before our mother Khadijah (r.a.) married the Prophet (ﷺ), she was married twice and had children from previous marriage. We can learn a huge deal from this. Let’s be straight, divorce is so common these days, our sisters lose hope and never want to get married again after a terrible ordeal and the same goes with the death of a spouse but let’s learn from this great woman. She had the conviction of being optimistic about her situation in that marrying more than once and she knew that there would be ease for her. Indeed, she was right for she ended up marrying the best of mankind our Prophet (ﷺ). Everything was by Allah’s plan, so what we can learn from her is looking ahead with optimism knowing also that everything happens by the will of Allah (s.w.t.).
Going back to the incident when the Prophet (ﷺ) was in Cave Hira and angel Jibril (alayhis salaam) came asking him to read, after which, the Prophet (ﷺ) was shaken up and ran to Khadijah (r.a.) for comfort. She had such strong trust in what her husband the Prophet (ﷺ) told her that she said:
“Allah would never humiliate you, for you are good to your relatives, you are true to your word, you help those who are in need, you support the weak, you feed the guest and you answer the call of those who are in distress.”
She was there for him and she supported him going through that tough time. It’s very easy for us as wives to be emotional and weak especially when we see our husbands going through a hard time but we must take this example of such conviction and strength like Khadijah (r.a.) and be the strong rock to our husbands’ need.
She was the ideal wife as she constantly supported the Prophet (ﷺ) in everything he did. When he left her for weeks at times to go to cave Hira, she didn’t take it as offence or as an excuse that he was distancing himself but she respected the space he needed. Not only this, out of her care and love, she would walk from her home to cave Hira which would have taken around 3 or 4 hours to give the Prophet (ﷺ) food and water even though, the Prophet (ﷺ) already had some as he would come home and collect it.
This shows how she always puts the welfare of her husband before herself, no matter how much effort she had to make. We should also respect how difficult this must have been for Khadijah (r.a.) as she was much older than the Prophet (ﷺ).
She always recognised what the Prophet (ﷺ) loved and tried to give it to him. She saw that he loved her slave Zaid so she gifted him to the Prophet (ﷺ) who then freed Zaid. How many of us notice the things that our husbands love and how many of us make effort to give it to them? It’s very important to always have our husbands at the back of our minds, gift them and make sweet little gestures knowing that it will please them. Nowadays, we as wives feel jealous when we see our husbands having strong love for someone and we might not want to share them. It’s important though that we do not get attached to our husbands and remember that they are a gift from Allah (s.w.t.).
This quality of Khadijah(r.a.) can be seen when the Prophet (ﷺ) brought Ali into their home to ease the burden of his uncle Abu Talib. Khadijah (r.a.) did not question this once or refuse, but she welcomed Ali with open arms and treated him like her own. Let’s also remember that at that time, it was the Prophet (ﷺ) who moved into Khadijah’s (r.a.) home and so if anything she had more of a right to say no and to make the decisions, but again her love and dedication for the Prophet (ﷺ) led her to continually support him in anything he wanted to do.
Now think about the hadith mentioned below. Does this not make us wonder how great this woman must had been; how obedient she was to the Prophet (ﷺ) and how ideal of a wife she was, that not only did Allah (s.w.t.) granted her Jannah, but he sent her that message while she was alive as he was so pleased with her.
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Gabriel came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! This is Khadija coming to you with a dish having meat soup (or some food or drink). When she reaches you, greet her on behalf of her Lord (i.e. Allah) and on my behalf, and give her the glad tidings of having a Qasab palace in Paradise wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue (trouble).” [Sahih Bukhari]
When Khadijah(r.a.) died, it was named the year of grief and her death devastated the Prophet (ﷺ). A few years later after her death, when the Prophet (ﷺ) saw a necklace which once belonged to Khadijah (r.a.), tears started flowing down his cheek. Also, later when Aisha (r.a.) felt jealous about Khadijah (r.a.) and she asked the Prophet (ﷺ) whether Khadijah (r.a.) had been the only woman worthy of his love.
The Prophet (ﷺ) replied:
“She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand.”
May Allah guide us all to be better wives and to take all of these examples from our noble and pious mother Khadijah (r.a.) and implement them into our marriages.
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