Respecting Your Spouse’s Family
Assalam O Alaikum.
Dear brothers and sisters, we are unfortunately living in an era when informalities have taken over the established norms. It is disheartening to witness the loss of “respect” in our surroundings, be it among close ones or among people whom we barely know.
“Respect” is something very important, it is not just a word but behaviour, a way of living, a way of interacting with others. Most of all, it is the most beautiful way to express love. If you truly love someone and value him/her, you ought to have utmost respect for that person, be it in your words or actions.
Regrettably, many of us do not know how to show respect to our spouse’s family, in fact, we do not know the importance of doing so. We have the misconception that we are only marrying the man/woman whom we love, not his/her family. Well, this is completely unrealistic. Just like you love your family, your spouse loves his/her family as well. Just like you want what is best for your loved ones, so does your spouse.
Why do some of us get angry when our spouse wants to stand with his/her family, comfort them or assist them in any way? After all, this is his/her family, the ones who have brought him/her up, the ones who have been there for him/her when you were not there yet as a spouse. Contrarily, you should be thankful to that family for having made the person you love a fantastic human-being today!
Each time your spouse wants to do something for his/her family you just have to think, wouldn’t you want to do the same for yours? If the answer is yes, then you definitely have to be supportive with your spouse. Before saying something about your spouse’s parents or family, ask yourself if you would be happy to hear those very words from your spouse’s mouth targeting your own flesh and blood? Whenever the answer is no, then do not utter words that could destroy a relationship which Allah has blessed you with.
When you are angry, satin is messing with your mind, better be silent than say words which could hurt your spouse deeply. Because the anger will eventually go away but the words which have been uttered once cannot be taken back and can do irreversible damage to your relationship. It is essential to show respect to each other’s family as this will strengthen the bond between the spouses. It is always a pleasure to see the man/woman you love getting along with your family, feeling at ease and happy.
You will always have to deal with each other’s family as long as you are together, so show respect, love and understanding towards each other. Loving your spouse means loving him/her as a whole and his/her family has been, is and will always be a part of him/her.
Spouses are compared to garments for each other in the Qur’an, so we have to bring comfort and peace to our spouse, not the opposite. We are here to help him/her throughout his/her journey in this world, not to complicate it any further. We must be thankful to the most merciful for having blessed us with a spouse, so let us try and make an effort to maintain a healthy and happy relationship with our spouse and his/her family.
Below are some extracts from “The Ideal Muslimah” by Dr. Muhammad Ali al-Hashimi, which I found very helpful and in accordance with the above topic.
Extract 1:
“One of the ways in which a wife expresses her respect towards her husband is by honouring and respecting his mother”
Extract 2:
“…she will endear herself to her husband, who will appreciate her honour and respect towards his family in general, and towards his mother in particular. Nothing could please a decent, righteous and respectful man more than seeing strong ties of love and respect between his wife and his family, and nothing could be more hateful to a decent man than to see those ties destroyed by the forces of evil, hatred and conspiracy.”
At times, we may meet some persons in our spouse’s family who are not very nice to us or who always have some negative comments for us. This is not our husband’s/wife’s fault as he/she cannot control what other people are saying or doing, so we should not punish our spouse for the bad behaviour of others. In these situations, although very difficult at times, it is best to ignore such comments and react in the best way possible. As written in “The Ideal Muslimah”:
Extract 3:
“…she is obliged to treat them in the best way possible, which requires a great deal of cleverness, courtesy, diplomacy and repelling evil with that which is better. Thus she will maintain a balance between her relationship with her in-laws and her relationship with her husband, and she will protect herself and her marriage from any adverse effects that may result from the lack of such a balance.”
Although the above extracts are mentioning wives, but these advices equally apply to husbands, who have the same duties and responsibilities towards his wife and her family.
Dear brothers and sisters, let us not forget that satin always strives hard to separate a husband and a wife as this is very delightful to him, but let us put sincere efforts to please Allah and pray harder for a loving relationship with our spouse.
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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!
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