Polygamy – A woman’s painful letter
“I have been kept thinking if I should have written you a letter or not; since I’m afraid many women don’t like what I am going to say, in fact they would think crazy of me, but I am writing whatever I feel. The women who are sitting at their houses unmarried getting old every day would totally relate to what I am going to say. Anyway here is my short story which I hope would benefit anyone, and in return I get a high rank in Jannah.
Like ordinary girls, I started dreaming of my wedding when I got at the age of 20 and kept thinking how my husband would be, and we will get kids and raise them etc. And I was one of those girls who were strictly against multiple marriages despite Allah’s orders. I would have never approved of a man who was likely to have a second wife. I even used to argue a lot about this with my uncles and brothers who were in this favor. They kept explaining me through Hadith and Quran but I always kept refusing.
Time kept passing
Time kept passing by, I grew 30 years old and grey hair started showing up but the man of my dreams was still not there.
Oh Allah what do I do? Sometimes I wished I could just scream that I am finding a husband. In this environment full of absurdity and indecency, it was my parents’ prayers that kept me from my evil self and the devil. Although everyone at home took complete care of what I needed and made me laugh but it was a shallow laughter.
I kept remembering that Hadith which meant that without a marriage every man or women is an orphan, and I absolutely felt like an orphan in a home full of blessings. In every wedding ceremony or a family gathering I wanted to scream and tell everyone that I wanted a husband, but the thought of making me an absurd in front of everyone stopped me. I had no other option except to be patient.
Whenever I thought about my friends who were having a happy married life with their kids and husbands, I even hated this unwanted life of mine even more. I pretended to be happy with everyone at all the gatherings but my heart bled. It is easy for men to tell their family about their urge of getting married but women can’t do that due to their natural modesty.
It was a blessing that my brother got married to a very pious woman who was an Islamic scholar. A few days after the wedding an Islamic school for girls was started. I was free after my Bachelors so I took admission by getting inspired by my sister in law and was distracted a little after listening to her inspirational words , she also told me some Sunnah prayers and utterances which gave me inner peace. I was so much grateful for her since she was the one who was keeping me away from sins and unlawful suicide death.
One day, my brother came and told me a man wanted to come and see me for a wedding proposal but I refused. I almost screamed “But Why?” And my brother replied “The man was already married and I knew you would never say yes to this proposal.” And I told him that was not even the issue. Since my sister in law has started teaching me about Quran and Hadith, I have started realizing the wisdom of Allah Almighty regarding this issue.
I had no issues with being a man’s second, even third or fourth wife. And I ask for forgiveness from Allah Almighty on disobeying His orders. I swear upon Allah! Hymeneal would never be easy unless the order of multiple weddings of Allah Almighty won’t be more common, like it was in the era of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and his companions. A man who has decided to get married once in his lifetime will never be able to help any other poor, divorced, widowed or any girl suffering from a lack, by marrying her.
One day I went through this Ayat while reciting the Holy Quran
ذٰلِکَ بِاَنَّهُمْ کَرِهوْا مَا اَنْزَلَ اللّٰہُ فَاَحْبَطَ اَعْمَالَهُمْ….
“This is because they disobeyed what the Lord had sent down, and he foiled their actions”
I literally got goosebumps at that point. I was the one who was not only against this order of Allah Almighty but also disliked it. May Allah Almighty forgive me? With the mediation of this letter, I want to convey this message to all the males of the society that if you have the intention of justice and affordability, then please keep this order of Allah Almighty alive. Promote the message of two, three or four marriages and get prayers of the dark hearts. Every woman will bring her own fate. Allah Almighty has promised the livelihood and make one rich with the blessing of a marriage. And Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has also told this Recipe to make indigence go.
I just recalled an example at this instance. Once the government gave the training of saving four drowning people at a time, to the soldiers.
Suddenly an intense flood came and a lot of people came under that. So the government sent the forces to save four people at a time but the soldiers decided to save one person at a time and the rest kept shouting and screaming for help but no one listened to them and ultimately they died.
So what will you say to them?
What will government say to them?
Would the government praise them?
Or in another condition:
If there is a kind soldier who feels pity on them and go back to save another one but the one who is already saved, stop him and tell him to save him only. What would that be called???
Isn’t the same thing happening in our society?
Allah Almighty says:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَىٰ فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا
“And if you apprehend that you will not be able to do justice to orphan girls, then marry such other women as seem good to you, two, three, four, but if you are afraid that you will not be able to keep two wives on equal terms, then marry one only or captives whom you own. This is nearer to keeping you away from doing injustice.”
(Surah Nisa Ayat No.3)
This Quranic verse clearly shows how Allah Almighty ordered for more than one marriages and getting married only once is forced to settle on.
For example, if you send your servant to bring beef and if beef isn’t available tell him to bring pulses. That means you are forced to settle on pulses where beef is the one actually ruling. The acts of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ , his few companions and Caliphates is the evidence of this. Not even a single one of them was married only once. If you use your religious and secular engagements as an excuse, you must look upon the busy lives of the companions of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who were much busier than you. Even then the married more than once keeping in view the grand words of Allah Almighty.
Last days, women went out in the form of procession to pick play cards and told men:
تزوجوا مثنی وثلاث ورباع ان کنتم رجالا ….
They married two, three, and fours, if you were men.
It’s not even necessary for your first wife to have a flaw or a lacking to get married more than once. You can do that for following the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. His wife Ayesha was perfect in every aspect and he still married so many times.
I would also say a few things to the women who are married. You have no idea how much difficulty all the unmarried women like me have to face. So you should be really thankful for their lives. It’s understandable that they face problems too, but staying unmarried against nature can be totally dangerous. I would request them to let their husbands keep this Sunnah alive if they want to. Ayesha knew the women who came to meet Holy prophet ﷺ and if He ﷺ could marry them but she never came in their way. You will be rewarded after death if you also follow Ayesha. Fear Allah! Fear Allah! Be the source between your husband and the good deed that Allah Almighty ordered.
The women who think against this order of Allah Almighty should picture their lives if their husbands die when they are young and they get widowed and no unmarried man wants to marry them and imagine how it feels.
If we think about it we can’t be firm believers unless we don’t like for others what we like for ourselves. So you should like the life for other women same as the life you want with your husband and kids, and if in doing this you have to sacrifice anything, just do that and wait for Allah Almighty to give you happiness in both the lives.
My dear sisters! This world is mortal and temporary. The world is the test place and the life hereafter is the rewarding place. You cannot imagine the things you will be rewarded with after the sacrifice you make. I pray from my heart that none of my sisters feel any pain or difficulty in making this sacrifice and promoting it.
Allah Almighty’s love is thousand times the love of a mother. He has a blessing in every order he gave. Our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is mercy to the universe so it is impossible for him to order us a difficult thing. May Allah Almighty be the helper of all the sisters like me.
Benefits of getting married
I once read the benefits of getting married multiple times which I would like to share with you.
- Getting married multiple times will let you fulfill the wish of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ of multitude of nations.
- It will be easy for more than one wives to serve the religion together.
- Being the co-wife will get you closer to have the company of the wives of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in Jannah. Even if there is a difficulty in being a co-wife in the world, the life hereafter will be much easier and blessed.
- First wife gets the privilege to be the host. Although this order is comparatively harder for women but she gets the chance to provide evidence of fulfilling all the orders, either wanted or unwanted.
- By promoting the act or multiple marriages, you can get the widowed, poor, divorced or any woman with any lacking, the chance to get married and not ending up committing suicide forced by the society.
- Through this permissible way men will not do any forbidden or wrong act to satisfy the inner self and both the man and the first wife will be rewarded as told in Hadith.
I painfully insist all the parents to consider this letter from their own daughter.
For God’s sake, repent all the traditions (which are self-made, have no evidence in law and are adopted from the Hindus). Have the blessings of marriage and make it easy for everyone. The meaning of one of the Hadith of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is that the marriage with the least amount of expenditure is the most blessed one. So both the families either girls’ or boys’ must create easy ways for each other. Have faith in Allah Almighty and see how He blessed you all alone.
ومن یتوکل علی الله فھوحسبه
Paying my regards.”
Your anonymous sister.DISCLAIMER: The articles and views posted on this blog are the opinions of individual authors only and as such may not reflect the opinions of Pious Couple staff, editors and readers. They are solely meant for educational purposes and not any illegal purpose. The authors/shuyookh are not responsible or liable for the intentional, reckless, or negligent actions of any individual. Any person who posts, quotes, cites, copies or otherwise relies on any article or comment associated in any way with Pious Couple blog bears sole responsibility for his or her actions, choices and words. While constructive criticism and meaningful discussions are welcome; abusive comments, name calling or intolerance towards other religions, race, sex, countries, etc., will not be entertained. Pious Couple reserves all rights to delete/edit any type of comment or discussion that is inappropriate Islamically, morally or otherwise.
9 thoughts on “Polygamy – A woman’s painful letter”
Our beloved mother Aisha (ral) already answered your question (read a hadhees about pouring different cows milk into a pot/vessel).
With man marrying multiple women, there is only a solution to a greatest problem in society
But with woman marrying multiple men, there is only a destruction to society and family
1. You can’t map a kid to his father
2. With 2 husbands, whose comment woman will obey, who will be the incharge of family.
There are multiple things like this, so practically its not possible at all for peaceful life.
Allah created men and women differently and gave some benefits over someone, but he is best of judge. in judgement day you will never get something less and more because of your gender.
I agree with this as allah SWT and prophet SAW says in Quran . But In the same why women not allowed to marry multiple men to help a unmarried man, divorced man etc . It’s my genuine doubt , can anyone try to clear that with my best intentions not to hurt anyone .
Assalamualaykum. Two years late but it doesn’t matter, inshallah khair. So here’s the difference: men have strong emotional control(supposedly, not too sure of the current generation of spoiled boys) meaning they should be able to handle the wait for a spouse. And even if he doesn’t get one in this life, if he is pious inshallah, he’ll get Huur Al Ein of Jannah. If I don’t get a wife as a man, sure I’ll feel a bit lonely, but it’ll inspire me to stick with Allah and work for Jannah harder and harder every time I feel that loneliness. Whereas the woman is naturally emotional. She needs support. Every woman naturally will long for a family and children and a spouse because frankly loneliness is too harsh on a woman. And in these times it’s pretty difficult for a woman to propose to a man unlike back in the day when Khadeejah رضي الله عنها proposed to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Now I’m not saying men are ok with being lonely. Teenagers especially will get beyond lonely and I know that for a fact because I’m 18. In this day and age most countries have the 18 year restriction for marriage meaning the boy or girl will believe they haven’t achieved adulthood until they reach 18. Whereas in Japan for example the age is 13 and the girls who hit that age are treated like mature women. I’m a American Jordanian so both my nationalities require the 18 year consent. My grandmother however, from Jordan, got married at 16. My grandmother’s sister at 12. The young men at the Prophet’s time weren’t in their 20s. They were in their young teens. Getting married would be nice and early. Nowadays nah you need a job and a stable life and then you think about getting married. If I understood that manhood starts in your teens, I would be looking for a wife right now. But society convinced me I’m just a kid and only a few months ago did I realize how much I wasted. Now I gotta work on maturity and hope to get married by 23 which is when I finish uni. Sure I feel very lonely, but I CAN wait. My sister who’s 15 literally daydreams about a husband… she’s 15 and she already can’t wait. There was a girl I knew by instagram(I didn’t fully understand the gender barrier with communication and thought texting online between man and woman was ok but alhamdulilah I know the reality now.) who was 12 years old and I was late 15 at the time. She couldn’t stop fantasizing about marriage. When she turned 13 and I was 16, she had actually told her friend that she hopes to marry me. Usually it’s the man who instantly thinks of every woman they make contact with about marriage and sexual desires and stuff, but when a woman gets lonely, marriage is their full time dream undeniably and I’m a guy with hormone problems that women lack. So bottom line is every hikmah by Allah swt has reason behind it. A woman needs a husband more than a husband needs a woman. A woman will receive protection, care, ease, and a secure life inshallah. A man will receive love and ease and care. Men have to work to be able to provide. Women have to give their best conduct to men for it. If you put it on a scale, men are grateful for what they receive as much as women are despite the difference in work and effort for it. And then imagine a man doing it for 4 women. He’ll be fine by it. But a woman needs a man for provision. We’re created this way no matter what the media claims. In my own house I have 3 sisters and no brothers. I can’t imagine one of my sisters if not all three trying to do the responsibilities I hold in this household. So trust in Allah’s wisdom and follow what he’s revealed. Inshallah I didn’t get too carried away at any point and you got what I’m trying to say.
Assalamu alaikum Sister.. Did you get married?
JazakaAllahu khaira for d admonition. Islam is a realistic religion, Men let’s understand d concept, not following d crowd. Allah wld ease d path of d prophet for us to follow
Dear sister ,it is quite hard but true ,inshallah we will walk in Allah’s path.
Jazakallah ukhty. I love reading your writing. It is uneasy, but we must have faith.
Jazak Allah Khair! May Allah(swt) bless us all and grant us Jannah. Aamiin
JizakALLAH sister ,, May ALLAH bless us all and grant us Jannah . 🙂