How can we bring the Baraqah back in our lives?
Baraqah is the blessings that Allah has given mankind. It’s human nature to always think of ourselves first, every Muslim, including myself, wants Baraqah in their work, family, home, children, relationships and so forth.
Allah is Ar Rahman, the most kind and he always listens to our wants and needs and he delivers each and every time, even if it is not at the time that we want it, or exactly the way we want it, either way he always delivers and its always for the best. At the time, we may not understand or accept it, but there’s always a special wisdom and Rahma behind Allah’s decisions.
“And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out. And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine” (Surah Al-Talaq, Ayah 2-3).
As Muslims from our first day on earth, we have all been blessed in the exact same way, how?
- Having fair skin?
- Having all 5 senses?
- Having two loving parents?
- Having functioning organs?
The list is endless, we can name something that we have but someone, somewhere, will not have it. So what is it that every Muslim has from day one?
We were born Muslim, without knowing what this meant or asking for it, Allah already blessed us and gave us that one step closer to him by choosing to make us Muslim. He already paved the way for us to have an easier life than the non-Muslims. We are all blessed in countless ways, but a lot of things we take for granted and forget, who are we to expect blessings?
“Man is Ungrateful to his Lord” (Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayah 121).
Baraqah in our married lives
In marriage, up’s and down’s are inevitable, I cannot name one couple who has not had an argument with their spouse for longer than two weeks and that includes me too!!
Now close your eyes and think of 5 ways how Allah has blessed your marriage. Instantly I guarantee you that you will have a smile on your face, we forget about these things because we constantly want more, more from our marriage, more from our husbands and more from being a wife.
Can you say that your marriage does not have ANY Baraqah?
I don’t think anyone can say that. If your husband has ever done something for you (bought a gift, helped with a domestic task, taken care of your when you were ill) then already Alhamdulillah, you are blessed.
Can you say that your marriage has slipped or lost Baraqah?
Possibly, you may be thinking, wow the first few years were so good but now things have stopped or reduced and it isn’t the same anymore. All of these thoughts will definitely make you feel down but wait there’s a solution!!
Alhamdulillah, I have been married for just over two years and overall if I forget about the small niggling things in my marriage, I know that I have been blessed immensely.
- I don’t have a fancy car; my car is actually from 1996.
- I don’t have my own home with my husband.
- I don’t have children.
- I don’t have weeks that go by where I don’t clash with my in-laws,
Where’s the Baraqah?
The Baraqah was being able to walk hand in hand with my husband and perform Hajj after a year of marriage and then months later with a last minute spontaneous idea, being able to return to Makkah for the last 10 nights in Ramadan and Eid.
Hajj ! Alhamdulillah
So how can we bring the Baraqah back in our lives? Here’s my list and how I believe Allah has blessed me and not only once but many times.
Remember when a marriage has Baraqah, it grows and increases.
1. Put Allah first
When both spouses put Allah first in everything they do, how can they go wrong? This means always putting him above everything. Never delay Salah to watch 10 more minutes of a programme or to talk to someone for that extra 10 minutes. Always put Allah first and he will bless you back. This world is difficult because we live with so many other Muslims who will have different views, or different levels of practising Islam. Always know that Allah’s reward is greater even if it is not immediate. Stand firm in your beliefs even if it means unintentionally upsetting others because you know in your mind and heart that standing firm in your decision and not being swayed by others will please Allah and that is all that matters. (differences in opinions on issues like birthdays, mixed weddings, music, cinemas, interaction with non-mehrams etc).
2. Think of Allah being a part of your marriage
As spouses in marriage, it is our duty to bring each other closer to Allah and to attain Jannah with our spouse but that can only happen when Allah is a major part of your marriage Insha Allah. When one of the spouses slips in a matter and forgot Allah (missing Fajr for example), speak to your spouses sincerely and not just ‘Why didn’t you wake up?!?!?” but ‘How will I meet you in Jannah if you didn’t pray Fajr but I did?’. ‘How will Allah feel that you missed Fajr?’. We all know we are accountable for ourselves but as spouses we must help each other and it doesn’t help being bossy and criticising because come on we are equal in the eyes of Allah, we all make mistakes. However when we bring Allah into the equation, we cannot get defensive or argue and we do feel bad and we do feel that sense of relief, that Allah paired us with someone who cares about us so much and wants to be in Jannah together.
3. Bring each other closer to Allah
When we die, it will just be us and our deeds in our graves but we will also be accountable for how we behaved in our marriage and how we fulfilled the duty of a wife and if and how we fulfilled the purpose of marriage. Always bring your spouse closer to Allah with gentle reminders which will then turn into habit Insha Allah. Be the best example you can be so that your spouse can follow suit. Try to get close to Allah together, pray together, and do charitable acts together, anything for the sake of Allah.
- Never speak badly of your husband
The women are thinking ‘Oh but he…’. No, stop there!
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put Love and mercy between your (hearts), verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”- Qur’an, 30:21
In a marriage, we have been chosen for each other, by Allah and as the wives, we want to be treated equally, even if men have been given more authority but always think about the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if your husband spoke ill of you to his parents, or siblings, or relatives? As women, we see them more than the husband see’s the woman’s side. Fact… so would you really want him going to them and criticising you. No. So at the same time, we should never do that either, regardless of what he has done. Also it will weaken relationships between those family members. You all know the saying
If you haven’t got anything nice to say… DON’T SAY ANYTHING!
- Stay Private
Subhan Allah, 2016 and there’s all these new things controlling us. Snapchat, Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram and who knows what else. Social media is the biggest danger for marriage. Keep your marriage private, places you go, food you eat, things your husband has done for you, events you have gone to. Don’t show it to the world but keep it between yourselves. We must ask ourselves deeply, when we post something of such nature, what is the real purpose? To let someone know extra information which is not needed whatsoever or to self advertise the good around you?
Every good comes from Allah; don’t you think he could take it away in a second? All of this unnecessary sharing may seem harmless but it’s more dangerous than we imagine. In essence it is being arrogant and showing off what you have or have done etc. imagine the poor sisters who are unmarried or divorced and then they have to see how someone marriage is all peachy. Do you really want to be the cause of making a poor sister cry? Subhan Allah and lets think further… the evil eye, exists, fact. Sharing pictures and posts is basically ammunition on a plate for someone to give you the evil eye. Remember the evil eye can be given by anyone and even then, they might not have that intention.
“And from the evil of the envier when he envies.” (Surah Al Falaq, Ayah 5)
Why play with fire when you know you will get burnt?
- Thanks and Dua
We can all put our hands up high that we make the most dua to Allah when we are need of something. Let’s try to kick that habit and not only ask him for the things we want, but raise our hands to give thanks for the spouse we have been blessed with.
We all know someone who has had a bad marriage or is going through a tough one, so should we not be thankful to Allah for our spouses, lets not become ungrateful otherwise we may see that our spouses character changes.
Lets also continually make dua for our marriage, not when we are fighting with our spouse but on a good day, give thanks to Allah and continually ask Allah to bless the marriage with Baraqah.
“Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me.” (Surah Yunus, Ayah 12)
Summary
For me, the 6 points above will change your lives and surprise you in ways you didn’t imagine.
I would like to end with a dua:
Oh Allah, grant continual Baraqah in our marriages and allow us to always put you first and always complete an action with the intention of pleasing you first. Ya Allah thank you for the spouses you have blessed us with, they may not be the ‘perfect form’ that we seek but they have so much goodness in them and that comes from you Allah. Grant the unmarried sisters righteous spouses and allow us all to fulfil the purpose of marriage and attain Jannah with our spouses. Ameen
I ask Allah to forgive me if I have said anything wrong.
Sister N.
September 2016.
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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!
Darkness is not a blessing? What the heck???