Distinguishing False Love from True Love
Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala has created mankind, and established His religion, the Deen-e-Islam, sending down upon the humanity, His beloved Messenger Prophet Muhammad Sallahu Alaihye Wa Sallam, and His book the Holy Quran, in order to guide the and teach each individual as to what kinds of feelings one must have and develop in their heart, and where those feelings should be appropriately directed to. And the strongest feelings that Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala has created is the feeling of love.
Well aware of this fact, misguiding forces are working on the same lines, teaching mankind how to develop the feelings of love and towards whom. One may take such forces to be the media, society or fashion that are in constant struggle to direct, dictate and influence young and old hearts and minds of all ages, to indulge themselves in what is unlawful, untrue, false love.
Kind of false love
False love maybe of many different kinds; including the love of non-mehram (prohibited lust towards the opposite sex), or the love for the material world, love for money, or for prestige, power, position or status. The article focuses on the first kind; the prohibited love for the opposite sex. True love is the love of Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala in the hearts of the believer and all love relationships created by Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala as permissible; loving the creation for His sake. The article specifically focuses on the permissible relationship of Husband and Wife, referring it with true love.
What an eye opening story , Wives are worth it!
One must be conscious of the difference between false, fake love and true love in order to protect himself from sin and disgrace. There have been many, who have crossed these lines and are trapped in the flux of false love without really knowing about it, or without really wanting to get into it. One must understand that crossing the line will instantly seize the sweetness of eemaan and the taste of true love from them.
Prophet Muhammad Sallahu Alaihye Wa Sallam said:
“Ask yourself for a decision, ask your heart for a decision. Righteousness is that with which the soul is tranquil and the heart is tranquil, but sin is that which rouses suspicion in the soul and is perplexing in the breast, even if people give you a decision in its favour.” (Mishkat Shareef)
Therefore, for every individual, Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala has blessed with a gift called the conscience which will give a warning message that the particular feeling or desire is unlawful, full of lust and not just right. However, an addicted person carrying the false, materialistic love of this world, will silent this conscience, step on it and will move on with the act. On the other hand, a person with true love of Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala in his heart and with understanding the deen, will never submit to his desires, and will not proceed.
Materialistic Vs Spiritual Love
False love; the unlawful love towards non-mehram is a haram (Prohibited) relationship which has no foundations. This is the love out of Nikkah (the legal matrimony contract in Islam), which is solely materialistic and apparent. It is the desire and the lust created for apparent beauty, for the composition of skin, blood and other physical attributes arranged in a specific manner. This is the love of physical pleasure and body, which is temporary and deteriorates with time, as the body diminishes and the beauty declines. False love does not only refer to materialism in monetary terms but it includes all superficial things that make one feel good about themselves. Love that depends on presents, compliments, time, attention and fun falls into this category of love.
A good better half !!!
True love, on the other hand, is the love of your spouse; the love inside the Nikkah which constitutes of anything and everything permissible inside the Nikkah ranging from liking, desire, loving, noticing the beauty, appreciation to talking, joking, spending time together and physical intimacy. This is the spiritual love, the love of the hidden attributes, characteristics, and meaningful features not on display. It is based upon the foundations of trust and commitment, beautifying the relationship even more.
Abuse Vs Loyalty
False love comes with false promises and lack of responsibility and commitment. The foundations of such love are based upon pure physical desires of lust and greed only. Therefore, there is use and abuse and discard. Such relationships ultimately end in extreme hatred and enmity. The individuals involved eventually get tired of each other and may dislike and detest them.
On the contrary, Nikkah is the relationship of loyalty and commitment, where both the parties try their best to be truthful and honest to each other. And if someone is being dishonest in their nikkah and willing to cheat and betray then they may be falling into the traps and shackles of the Shaytan, and may be turning towards false love.
CARETAKING AND TRAINING OF CHILDREN
Our Prophet Muhammad Sallahu Alaihye Wa Sallam was the best and most extra ordinary example of loyalty to all his wives. He displayed undying, eternal commitment towards each one of his wives. Imagine how one’s heart should feel for the woman Allah has selected and destined for you, mentioning her to be your wife forever.
Love at First Sight Vs Developing Love
Love at first sight, infatuation, obsession etc are all examples of false love. It makes our emotions override our intellect and has no wisdom, no contemplation, no thought processes involved.
True love is not love at first sight. It matures, develops and increases over time. The spouses tend to become closer to each other with more number of years into the marriage. And so grows the understanding and affection between them. This kind of love is not shallow, on the surface but deep and resides for a lifetime if both spouses tend to spend their lives the Sunnah way and understand the concept of marriage with its true essence as described by the religion Islam.
Blind Love
False love blinds a person to the weaknesses, shortcomings and flaws of the opposite sex. People in false love refuse to accept the realities around them or agree to facts. Even if they are told by elders, friends or some other acquaintances of the faults and flaws of the opposite sex, they may refuse to critically analyze, think or even see to those.
Alternatively in true love, one is not blinded to the faults. In fact one will notice the faults and perceive the shortcomings. However, they will accept it, will overlook it and will forgive it. Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala mentions in the Quran;
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)
6 WAYS TO SAY BYE-BYE TO A HARAAM RELATIONSHIP
Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala uses the word Muwaddah (Affection) and Rehmah (mercy) in these verses. The attribute of Rehmah (mercy) is the trait of Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala Himself because He is all knowing of the flaws, faults, shortcomings, weaknesses, sins and mistakes of the human beings yet He sends His mercy and forgives each one of them anyways. This is exactly what He wants the spouses to do, to each other. He has specially placed this mercy inside the heart for the person to be merciful to their spouse.
Emotional Rush Vs Consistency
Individuals involved in false and prohibited relationships experience emotional rushes, surges and gush of uncontrollable emotions of lust and passion followed by disastrous crashes. They may experience these episodes of emotional inconsistency frequently, with emotional highs and lows while our beautiful religion has taught us consistency in all our actions and deeds. These emotional episodes are an indication of the fake love they are engaging themselves in.
Meanwhile in true love, one obtains a constant feeling of peace, contentment, and serenity from their respective spouse, which is always there. If one attains the attributes of spiritual growth with their nikkah, loyalty, developing love, and being merciful towards their spouses with respect to their flaws, then Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala bestows this contentment of the heart. Spouses may have financial difficulties, family problems and other issues, but they will be there for each other, to resolve all their issues with mutual consent and healthy discussions.
Misery Vs Sustainable Happiness
Fake and false love causes sorrow, grief, and sadness in the long run. The individuals involved are surrounded by depression, anxiety and distress most of the time. The glow of a momin’s face may vanish off their faces, and Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala snatches their peace of mind.
DUTIES OF A WIFE TOWARDS HER HUSBAND
On the contrast, those in true love are in greatest happiness and in great joy. They are getting reward for each and every of those things, which were sins in the relationships outside the Nikkah. All these love, care, attention and behaviors become acts of worship. That is how much Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala values such a true love relationship.
Destruction Vs Triumph
Those involved in unlawful relations not only invite disgrace and dishonor to their character but also invite the wrath of Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala too. False love can never help one get respect; it disgraces one in society and even in their own eyes. They gain the burdens of punishment out of the sins they commit through their deeds, and they become out of those who evoke His, Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala’s anger and go astray. Moreover, if they are blinded in their false love and continue with the sins, this false love can eventually lead them to Haram acts. Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala will then bring destruction upon them in the form of exposing their sins, and disgracing them in this world. Their personal lives may be destroyed. They may lose their good deeds, and the punishment may continue in their graves and on the Day of Judgment, with the ultimate punishment of Hell fire.
While those believers who love their spouses and are in lawful love, those same feelings of love and desire that resulted in destruction and disgrace being outside of nikkah will be a source of respect, dignity and honor here. A person will feel complete, honored, dignified in the eyes of society, family and in the eyes of the shariah (the Islamic Law), by being a good, loving and caring husband. He will be most beloved to Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala and this nikkah would complete his second half of eemaan, granting a spiritual progress to the eemaan of a believer.
Understanding Wife
One should not think that they would be able to control their emotions when they are in false love and that they can maintain their relationship with Allah Ta’ala alongside. Love for Allah and love for the haraam can never stay in the same heart. One of them pushes the other out. And when there is false love in someone’s heart then Allah brings death to the spiritual heart of such a person.
Therefore, we must devote our emotions to Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala (alone) and not let ourselves fall into the traps of Shaytan by getting deceived by false lovers. Allah Subhana Hu Ta’ala has chosen someone very special for each one of us and we will in shaa Allah (If Allah Wills) find that someone in the beautiful bond of Nikkah where expressing love is not just halaal (permissible) but also rewarding.
(Content majorly taken from the Talk
“The Power of True Love and the Dangers of False Love” by Mufti Shaykh Kamaluddin Ahmed db)