Advice to groom’s parents
Every Muslim should be attentive only towards Allah during the times of frustration and fidgety. And it is necessary to be in contact with the great Islamic scholars to know that what is the order of Allah in every case and what noble way has Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ adopted in such case. And when the orders of Islamic law are known, then the compulsion of society or to use your own knowledge is not suitable for any Muslim. Hakeem-ul-ummat writes that
“Recognized Allah by knowledge, this sentence is correct, but saying that we recognize the orders of Allah by knowledge is not correct.”
Therefore, we want to cognize your concentration to a very important problem (May Allah enable me to make you understand correctly and you to understand right (Ameen)), that after marriage” to put aside son and wife of son from parents of son” is considered very bad in our society. Mostly parents are not prepared and son is also not ready as he considers it to disobey parent’s right. And if he gets prepared, then society abuses him.
As though, both of them (son and wife of son) did a very big sin by living apart. You may have noticed that there are many sins which are not considered unpleasant in society today. Therefore, people adopt them openly. Because its evilness is removed from the heart. Similarly, many deeds that Islamic laws have composed legal, but as they are considered unpleasant in society therefore if someone does this legal deed then people abuse him and they become target of criticism.
Solution of the problem:
If you concentrate dispassionately, then you will reach at the result that(considering it necessary to live with mother-in-law, wife of son, wife of younger brother, wife of elder brother etc and consider it wrong to live separately) such thoughts are useless. But we say that such barefaced theories are developed in our mind by living hundreds of years with Hindus. In this regard Maulana Shahab ul deen writes
“According to Hindu law and order the concept of collective family have infused among the Muslims. Even that if the wife has objection to live with relatives in law then according to Islamic law it is necessary for husband to arrange a separate living for her.”
Respected readers, Allah and Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ have not refused from this (son with his wife, live separate from his parents) but have permitted. In fact, this action is considered good according to Islamic laws that it should be tried that quarrel between mother in law and son’s wife may not happen, husband and wife must live with love, affection and trust.
It has been experienced that where the mother sisters and brothers wife of husband live with his wife, mostly quarrels happen there. And conditions of fidgety for husband wife develop at many situations and they are never blessed with real relaxation. That’s why parents should not become hurdle in the separate living of son and his wife. But act upon what Islamic laws have stated.
From the first day if son and his wife want to live separate from you then let them live separate with hearts consent even if they live in a rented house. But if they don’t want, induce them to live separate. We have brilliantly noticed the circumstances of people during the services at Daar-ul-Fatah that it is better for husband wife but also their families that son should live with his wife separate from his parents and sisters.
In the light of Islam and Islamic scholars:
There are many benefits of world and hereafter in this. This is kindness for son and sons wife, we at this point write some saying of Hazrat Hakeem Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi
- Hakeem Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi says
“My opinion is that socialism of children and parents should be separate after nikah. This is adequate”(Haqooq-al-beaat, page 48, Gift of husband Tohfaah zojaaen, page 18)
- He says at one place that
“If parents refuse to live apart and wife says that she wants to live apart, then what the wife will say will be listened.
Because it is mentioned in hadith that
“The points of people will be alienated in the obedience of Allah (even if they are parents).” (Mashkawa volume 2, page 321)
And it is mandatory to provide separate home to wife when she says. And it is a sin if you don’t fulfill the mandatory. Therefore, if parents give order of this sin then they will be disobeyed. (Tohfaah zojaaen page 30)”
- He says at one place that
“It is adequate in this era that young children must live apart separate after nikah. It is comfortable for both.”(Dawaat abdeet, version 14, page 84; Husan al Azeez, volume 4 page 359)
- One person came to Hakeem Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi for taking phylactery that her son’s wife does not obey him. Said that
“Its phylactery is that keep her and her husband in a separate house, means that separate from you she will become very obedient.”
And I’m saying with experience that living from hand to mouth with husband is more pleasant than the chicken biryani of in laws house
- Said that
”Some people do not get apart from their parents due to danger of infamy, and are always in pain by living with them. So relaxation and nobleness can’t be together at one place, but relaxation is more important than nobleness. Therefore it is necessary in these eras that live separate after nikah and do as much as you can do with your earning for your parents.”
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