Tips to build a successful marriage

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Brothers & Sisters, Many of us get into marriage without knowing what it encompasses.  Some of these marriages are successful while some end in a divorce.  Though, there can be several reasons to a broken marriage, the most common ones being lack of commitments, lack of care, and lack of understanding of the other and selfish motives spoiling the relationship. These are things to avoid in building a successful marriage.  In brief, here are some key points for everyone aspiring to be a spouse to ponder upon:

1. Make dua to Allah

First before looking for a potential spouse make the intention of doing it for the sake of Allah and make Dua to Allah.

2. Understand the sanctity of the marriage institution.

The marriage institution in Islam is the platform for the establishment of a Home with Taqwa where moral excellence, spiritual growth and safeguarding the rights of the other are achieved.

Here many will be disappointed to know it is not about the fairy tale love story and romance.  Going into a marriage means; taking the responsibility of living with the other in unity by maintaining peace, doing justice to the other and giving the best to oneself, the spouse and the offspring. It’s a union involving the rights of people, we all know human life and property are sacred and we are accountable for any dealings we have with people.

Invest your time in marriage

Also, marriage as an institution requires from the spouse good personal development skills as well as other skills. We all go after acquiring bachelor or masters degrees and invest much of our energy in learning and acquiring new skills.  Well, this applies to marriage also.  How can a person read and write without learning the alphabets? So invest some of our time and energy in learning about communication, parenthood, pregnancy, child upbringing and any other beneficial skills that we deem important in our own personal development as a Muslim.   Additionally, building our personality is a contributing factor in being the best example to lead and educate our child insha Allah.

Let’s take time to reflect on the Quran Verses which are read during a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah):

Quran Verse 4:1

O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.

Quran Verse 3:102

O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims [in submission to Him].

Quran Verse 33:70-71

O you who have believed, fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice.   He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment.

Indeed, it is only taqwa of Allah that helps in building a stable marriage

 3. Choose wisely for a spouse

Choose wisely for a spouse as we will live with the character of the person and not the beautiful face or well built body of the person though these are a plus point. As a responsible Muslim, we have to ensure that we understand when choosing a life partner it is to live day in and day out with that person and on a long term basis.  The starting point here is for us to know ourselves and seek for compatibility about future aspirations, personal goals, child upbringing ect… in the spouse we look for.  In this process, advise from family members, scholars and imams can help in reaching a comprehensive and wise choice.

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4. Perform Istikhara

Perform Istikhara. What we should know is that what comes into existence whether good or bad is from Allah.  Whatever be the outcome of our istikhara, we should be satisfied with it and know that this is the best for us.  Also, if we do not get what we want then move on in life.

5. Make time for your family

Who you are with your family reflects who you will be when going into marriage. Make time for your family and show them respect, care, love, forgiveness and mercy.  Apart from being our duty as a Muslim to do so, this will also help us in dealing with our future spouse and in-laws insha Allah. In-laws are always the big issue in many cultures, so here let’s remember to deal with them with respect and kindness not because we love our spouse only but foremost because we will have to face Allah on how we treat people.

6. Learn how to manage conflicts

Another important aspect is to learn how to manage conflicts and find a solution out of a problem instead of creating more problems out of finding a solution.

7. Choose the best lifestyle for ourselves

Finally, choose the best lifestyle for ourselves and our family in living by Islam and not our desires.

May Allah grant us our Duas and make the path to Him easy and full of his blessings, protection and mercy, Ameen.

By Rizwana Mariam Damry

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