6 WAYS TO REJUVENATE YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER KIDS

6 WAYS TO REJUVENATE YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER KIDS

6 WAYS TO REJUVENATE YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER KIDS

 

“And those who pray, ‘Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be a source of comfort/ happiness/ consolation and give us to lead the righteous’ ”

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Clingy toddler

Crying infant

Messy house

100 chores still left to do

Sleeplessness

You have more diapers than jewelry

There are more feeding bottles and pacifiers than your makeup

Did you picture your marriage to be like THIS? All the envisioned ‘happily ever after’ and the dream-life were swapped with toddler meltdowns, infant issues, dirty diapers, sleep deprivation, never-ending chores and a passionless relationship with spouse.

It’s all but natural. Jumping from the status of coupledom to a family and getting proudly pinned by the badge of “parenthood” is a huge transition. It’s exciting, exhilarating and exhausting. But it can also get exasperating when parenthood takes toll on your marital relationship. At times when you and your spouse need some time to be together but the baby needs you more or when the child co-sleeps and you get annoyed beyond comprehension! Yes as much as being a parent makes you proud, it’s a bargain where you have to give up on your personal pleasures and endeavors. At times even a 10minutes shower can be the accomplishment of the day.

All this can prove to be toxic to your marriage, specifically in the initial few years. However, there are always ways to cover up the distance and catch up with the frequency. Here are 5 tips to help you jump start and get back on the track of love, companionship, romance and good old’ times.

PUT YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST

It’s simple. Avoid over-parenting. Give you marriage the first priority. If you and your spouse are happy, you will raise happier kids. It’s a very typical and common mistake when we enclose our world within the limits of parenthood and frequently neglect the withering marital relationship. Your world is not ONLY about kids and parenthood. So maintain a vital balance. And remember! By doing this you are NOT neglecting your child, so don’t indulge in guilt and self-condemnation.

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SPARK IT UP WITH QUALITY TIME

You guys are together alright but diverted most of the time. One is cooking; the other is putting the baby to sleep. One is doing the dishes and the other is handling a tantrum. And finally when you both catch up on sometime, there’s a whole list of chores to wind up. But hey! Stop right there, take a breather and chill out. Relax; watch a movie or just talk. In case of working parents, schedule some time together, go out on a date, plan for brief meet-ups during work/ break. You can always ask a friend or a relative to look after the kids.

GET SOME SOLO TIME

Maintain your individuality. Keep in touch with your original self. Catch up on your hobbies, pamper yourself, go to a spa every once in a while, schedule some time with your family and friends. Reach out to your religious friends and ‘dawah’ gatherings so you can get a spiritual lift-up too. You can take turns with your spouse every week, so that each one is equally happy to look after the kids and home when the other is out for his plans.

PRIORITIZE DOMESTIC DUTIES

You have a pile of laundry waiting, dozens of dishes to be done, mess of scattered toys throughout the house etcetera and you are still not done with cooking. Husband is home and you can’t figure out how to make some time out for him. Relax lady! Prioritize. If laundry can wait, let it. Do things in order of importance. If both are working parents, then divide the chores. But do keep some time of ‘togetherness’ in the first few ‘things to be done’ of the list.

EXPRESS YOUR LOVE

The daily grind and running in the squirrel cage can suck away romance, rendering a dull passionless marital life. Express even if you don’t feel like using those cheesy dialogues after the day’s hard work. Let the sunshine in, make small gestures, give surprises and gifts every now and then. I know it sounds easier said than done but the after-effects are invigorating and electrifying. Make a list of 10 things you love about your spouse, write it on a note and gift them as a gesture of love. Be thoughtful, empathetic, expressive and understanding. It’s your spouse who is the most deserving of all of your piety and good conduct.  As our prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said,

“The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.

Our Prophet ( PBUH) used to call hazrat Aisha ‘al-Humayra’ – The Rosy Cheeked one. She once asked the Prophet how he would describe his love for her. The Prophet Muhammad answered, saying: “Like a strong binding knot.” Often hazrat Aisha would playfully ask, “How is the knot?” The Prophet would answer, “As strong as the first day (you asked).”

HOLD TO THE ROPE OF ALLAH

No matter how engrossed and tied up you are, no matter how messy the home is or the meal isn’t cooked, don’t forget your prayers. Holding on to Allah and His Quran can help you win the daily grind. But even though your home is speckle free, kids fed and chores done, if you have nothing to hold on to, trust me you are just circling around a pointless life. Don’t let your spouse miss his/prayers, recite few Quran daily with understand and contemplation. Instill deen in the routine; this is how you can achieve the real “Barakah” in your relationship and love for each other. Our prophet Mohammad (PBUH) has said,

“A righteous wife who will help you in religious and worldly affairs is better than all the treasures the people have collected” (Ahmed 5:282)


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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!

DISCLAIMER: The articles and views posted on this blog are the opinions of individual authors only and as such may not reflect the opinions of Pious Couple staff, editors and readers. They are solely meant for educational purposes and not any illegal purpose. The authors/shuyookh are not responsible or liable for the intentional, reckless, or negligent actions of any individual. Any person who posts, quotes, cites, copies or otherwise relies on any article or comment associated in any way with Pious Couple blog bears sole responsibility for his or her actions, choices and words. While constructive criticism and meaningful discussions are welcome; abusive comments, name calling or intolerance towards other religions, race, sex, countries, etc., will not be entertained. Pious Couple reserves all rights to delete/edit any type of comment or discussion that is inappropriate Islamically, morally or otherwise.

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