Finding a good spouse
Finding a good spouse is not a child’s play. Remember haste makes waste, so don’t make decisions hurriedly. Be patient to find a better match, if you have sent proposals to few places and their response is not in your favor, then don’t lose hope or become disheartened.
Because despair brings nothing just mere sadness. Now family begin to panic, who will marry their son?
And become desperate about his marriage that they will tie knots with any girl even if her interests, habits and living style doesn’t match.
This is what happen when parents opt for a girl that has zero compatibility with their son:
- Educated guy meets a girl whose intellect doesn’t match.
- A mismatched couple, who aren’t ready to compromise.
- A mentally paralyzed couple who keeps fighting with each other.
- Things don’t go straight between them, resulting in serious issues like separation.
- Things could also get worsen when limits are crossed and couples could even demand for divorce or candor (a form of divorce initiated by wife in Islam).
- serious measures despite of becoming devastated
Serious measures despite of becoming devastated
Hence, a guy has to take some serious measures despite of becoming devastated, he has to be firm and also not to let his parents get upset. The best you could do in this situation is to have faith in Allah Almighty and consider refusal as his will, rather than finding flaws in yourself. Have a positive attitude and pray to Allah for a bride with beautiful soul that has great compatibility with you.
3 Points to look for a great match for your son
Family members should also show some patience, they have to be strong-willed and probe completely before making any commitment.
Consider the following point in mind while looking for a great match for your son, and for a son his soul mate:
- Perform proper ablution first, then recite Surah Al-hajaat. Except for detestable and forbidden hours of day perform supererogatory prayer and make supplication according to your strength. Pray from Allah with the core of your heart and humbleness.
O Allah! I want to maintain a permitted relation wedlock. With your rewards bless me with a devoted wife.
Other than this recite this Quranic Verses when bow before Allah, translation:
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Surah Furqan, Verse 74)
Wives should be praised
Supplication
There is a supplication that has been documented by Ali RA, “Whichever one of you who wants to get married should first perform a two-rakat prayer, in every rakat, Surah Fatihah and Surah Yaseen must be recited, then after the prayer ends and one praises Allah, the following should be said translation:
O’ Lord, give me a nice, child-bearing, thankful, decent spouse; a spouse that would be thankful if I treat him/her good and would forgive me if I treat him/her bad; a spouse that would help me if I remember Allah and would remind me of Allah if I forget him; a spouse that would protect me if I leave his/her presence and would make me happy if I enter his/her presence; a spouse that would obey me if I ordered him/her to do something and would take my vows seriously if I make one against him/her; a spouse that would calm me down if I get angry. O’ Lord of loft and honor, give me such a spouse. I have asked for him/her from you and nothing would come to me unless you give it to me.
- We should be hopeful for best from Allah Almighty, for he knows best for us our intentions should be clean, Narrated by ‘Umar bin Al-Khattab:
I heard Allah’s Apostle saying,
“The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for.” (vol.1, book 1, hadees 1)
For those who presume good to happen from Allah, Allah surely will do best for him.
- Respect others viewpoint, Islam has laid great emphasis on respecting someone else’s advice, in Quran Allah has revealed the attributes of true momin;
And those who have responded to their lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend. (Surah Ash-Shura, Verse 38)
Wife Has the Right to Sulk A Little Bit
Allah has told Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) in Quran, translation;
“Then, it is of the mercy of Allah that O beloved! You became gentle for them and if you had been hot headed, hard hearted, then they certainly would have dispersed from your circle, so pardon them and intercede for them and consult them in the affairs; and when you have made up your mind for anything, then put your trust in Allah. Undoubtedly the trustful are dear to Allah.” (Surah Al-Imran, Verse 159)
Consultation is important in Islam
This is why consultation is important in Islam. But always consult from people who have experience of that particular issue. The person, whom you’re consulting, make sure he has these qualities;
- Honest
- Sensible
- Experienced
- Secret keepers
Because these people are loyal and sincere to you, they will keep your matter up to them and will try to guide you to the best of their knowledge.
Avoid Excessive & Irrelevant Questioning with Spouse
Also, consult this matter from the elders of your family. Ask them before sending any marriage proposal. Also refer to the people you had already sent proposal to that particular girl’s house.
If a sudden feeling of well-wishing rouse then unite 2 stars. In this case, “Suraya” and “Sohail” will be a great couple together. Through consultation we get to know;
“Suraya and Sohail are two stars, when Suraya rises it lights up Damascus, and when Sohail reaches apex, it brightens up Yemen.” (The bride’s boon page 68).
- Therefore, it is necessary to find a compatible match for you. Minor differences could be relinquished but major ones cannot be. Like social class dilemma, either she’s way to rich or poor. Either she’s educated or illiterate. These differences can’t go for long, imagine girl has great knowledge of religion and boy is ignorant.?
- Groom’s family have to reach for a girl you can not only take care of his son but can look after the whole house with love and affection.
- Ask for help from elders and seek refuge in Allah, and pray to him.
- Perform Istikhara (Islamic/religious way to seek goodness from Allah). Satan is aimed to make people fall stray and divert from their path.
Istikhara – The ultimate solution under the guidance of Allah
- Keeping praying and do good efforts for finding a good match, because it is a matter of eternity.
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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!
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